Copy for Paragraph Analysis 2

Now that I've revised my introduction and conclusion, it's time to look at the body paragraphs.  I went through each paragraph and noted how well I was following the paragraph structure Rules for Writers detailed, and where my paragraphs were lacking something, confusing, or off topic.  You can view the copy of my draft with these annotations here.

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Overall, I found that my first two paragraphs were very strong and don't need much revising.  They have an established main point, and use evidence to illustrate that point, and analysis to explain the illustrations.  It's clear what these paragraphs are trying to establish, and I think they did a good job in doing so.  I also found that in general, I have pretty good transitions between my paragraphs.

However, the last two paragraphs definitely need more work.  They are more confusing and less organized than the first two.  While they have a main point, sometimes the rest of what follows doesn't exactly relate to that point.  The ideas I have are good and workable, I just need to improve how I organize them.  There are also some areas of awkward and wordy sentences I can fix.  It's good to have my first two paragraphs as a clear example of what I should be striving for in my second two paragraphs.