Analyzing My Own Assumptions

I've talked about culture as a whole in the last two posts, but now I'm reflecting on my own personal beliefs.  Here, I examine how my values and assumptions compare to those of the general public's, and those of the author, Cynthia Barnett, in her article, "It's not just a 'California drought'".

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Attribution-NonCommerical-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic License.

My values and beliefs fall somewhere in between the general public's and Barnett's.  Since I've lived in the desert most of my life, I've grown up with the awareness of water scarcity, although I didn't understand the severity of the issue.  It was hard to see the dire need to reduce water consumption when I constantly had a fresh supply of water whenever I needed it.

Now, since I'm studying environmental science, I'm learning more about the actual mechanics of pumping water out of the ground, what that water is mostly used for, and understanding the specific consequences of overextraction.  Still, I don't think I value or truly understand the issue enough to noticeably change my own lifestyle in order to consume less water.

I understand the struggle of the general public; I feel it too.  It's really hard to understand the consequences of a drought when I can always turn on my spigot and see fresh water flowing out.  Barnett described this common feeling, but her own opinions reflect the need to change agricultural habits to reduce water consumption.

Because Barnett's article is focused more on agricultural water consumption than municipal (agriculture consumes the most water), I sometimes have the feeling that what I do personally won't change anything in the long term.  I feel the water I consume is very small compared to that of a farm.  However, the choices I make, such as what kind of food I eat, can impact agricultural water use.  Eating meat is more costly in terms of water than eating grains.

The agricultural sphere shares similar values and ideas that I do, just on a much larger scale.  Farmers are concerned about falling water tables, but they still must draw up water to produce their crops and make revenue.  Personally, it comes back to money and convenience for me as well.  Living in the way I do, consuming more water than I probably should, is the easiest way of life for me.  Because agriculture uses so much water, farmers need to consider their water impact more than I do, but we both still have an impact.  Most importantly, we both need water to survive and continue our current ways of life, so both of us are aware we must live with the consequences of water shortage.

The only belief that I don't identify with mentioned in the article is a brief part about tourists who have visited Lake Mead to take pictures of the lowering water table, without really understanding what the consequences of what they're seeing are.  I don't think this is the belief of most of the public, but it's the belief of some.  Some of the public sees the drought as more of a spectacle than an issue that can affect them too.  These people don't really grasp that this crisis will affect them too, which is part of the misconception idea I've repeatedly gone back to.  I definitely don't believe this crisis is simply a photo opportunity.  I have more urgency than some to advocate change and invoke progress.

Since this article is about a current issue, the values and beliefs presented in the article are still relevant today.  I think overall the public's attitude towards water has changed over time, and more people are aware of the shortage issues and are pushing for conservation reform, but the general attitude towards water scarcity still needs to reform in order for us to live sustainably.


REFLECTION

In Olivia's reflection, I found I couldn't take the same hard-line stance that she did.  She strongly believed advertisers should not lie to their consumers.  I agree, but realistically, I find the issue much more complicated than that.  What counts as lying?  It's a fine line to draw.  Olivia seems to have a similar view as the author of her article, and I'm in the same situation with my own article.  Because of this, it might be harder for us to objectively evaluate the strength of the rhetorical strategies alone; we might believe an argument is well constructed, but really we are hesitant to criticize the author.

Grace's article was one of a more extreme viewpoint, in my opinion.  I didn't really agree with what the author's opinion was on vaccinations, but Grace does.  Reading Grace's article and reflection, I began to wonder if my article is kind of extremist as well.  For me, it doesn't seem extremist because I live in the world of environmental science, and these kinds of beliefs on water consumption and shortage are so common they are written into our textbooks.  However, that's much different than the general public opinion.  I think realizing my article could be just as extreme as Grace's to someone not in the field of environmental science is important because then I must regard my article with the same caution I regarded Grace's with.

Analyzing My Text's Cultural Setting

In this post, I continue to look at how different cultural beliefs are tied to the issue of US drought, and how these values are worked into the article "It's not just a 'California drought'" by Cynthia Barnett.

Kliczek, Adam. "Hoover Dam, Lake Mead." 4/13/12 via Wikimedia Commons.
Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Poland License.

The norms expressed in this piece are that of American culture's general attitude towards water shortages.  Barnett addresses these norms directly when she explains how drought is not treated in the same way that other natural disasters are, using examples of hurricanes.  She then deconstructs this norm/popular belief by explaining how drought is just as dangerous as hurricanes, and their impacts are long lasting and dangerous.  Barnett believes that in order to break this common misconception, Americans need to begin accurate dialogue about droughts, and raise awareness.

The idea of responsibility is also central to the article.  Although Barnett only implies this, and doesn't use the word directly, it is obvious she believes all Americans should be invested in the issue of water shortage, and all Americans should seek to use water responsibly.  She argues that everyone uses water, but doesn't understand the value and scarcity of this resource, going back to the idea of misconception and popular belief.

Barnett believes Americans aren't taking responsibility for their water consumption, because many don't understand it's a serious issue affecting the entire country.  No one who understands that water shortage is a critical issue will deny water usage shouldn't be in part their responsibility, because everyone uses water.  People just aren't aware it's such a critical issue, so they don't think they need to act responsibly and use conservative amounts of water.

Another belief discrepancy stems from where people live int he United States.  Some people who live in the western states are more aware of drought as an issue.  States like Arizona understand that they receive less rainfall than eastern states, but most people don't make the connection between natural rainfall and how long their showers take, for instance.  Barnett points out that even eastern states that receive much more rainfall to recharge their aquifers still have the issue of overuse.  She wants to reverse the common belief that water is only an issue drier states should worry about; states like Arizona that have a naturally dry climate with desert.

Barnett believes there needs to be more water laws to regulate water use, an issue she raises in her article directly.  Part of why the general public doesn't understand water shortage is an issue is because there are no laws governing water consumption.  Laws would not only reduce usage, but also simply bring awareness to the masses.  Barnett wants all states to impose water regulation laws that will reduce usage.

Cultural Analysis of "It's not just a 'California drought'"

I've chosen my article that I will be focusing my next project on.  In this post, I explore the cultural connections in "It's not just a 'California drought'" by Cynthia Barnett.

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The keywords I chose were "shortage" "misconception"and "reduction".  These words all relate to Barnett's main argument, which is that all of the US needs to start treating water consumption and shortages as a serious issue.  Barnett believes that currently Americans don't view water shortage issues across the nation as the crises they really are.

It is a scientific fact that water tables are dropping.  The only reason this is happening is because humans are extracting water at a faster than the rate the earth can naturally replenish its water supplies.  This is not really a disputed fact.  What is disputed however, is the main point this article is getting at: how big of an issue overextraction is, and what needs to be done to fix it.

The idea of a "shortage" comes up immediately in the article as Barnett explains it in the context of the current California drought, which is attracting the most attention than any other water issue in the US currently.  Barnett begins her article by explaining how water is scare all throughout the western United States.  Her audience first needs to understand the topic: Barnett frames the issue in a way that will make her readers sympathetic since she emphasizes how many states are facing this issue, not just California.

Barnett then goes on to talk about how drought is perceived as less dangerous than other natural disasters or events, such as hurricanes or massive snowstorms.  Drought comes slowly, and without the same initial jarring impact as a hurricane or flood.  I had never realized this until she pointed it out.  Barnett draws attention to how drought is just as dangerous as other natural disasters, which shows her readers how relevant her issue is.  Drought is even arguably more dangerous, because it isn't recognized as the threat it really is, and therefore less is done to solve the issue.

Drought has major consequences many people don't understand.  Barnett explains that, "Americans, accustomed to a seemingly endless supply of relatively cheap water, have been slow to reckon with drier, harsher realities."  She recognizes the current popular belief in America is that we have enough water to sustain our current lifestyles.  This is a misconception, however, as she explains how water tables are dropping, and our supply of fresh water is shrinking at worrisome rates.

Following her clarification of this common misconception and attitude towards water, Barnett advocates change, and not just in California, but all over the United States.  She explains the consequences of water shortages, linking agricultural consumption with municipal consumption, which shows the readers how the issue is relevant to them directly.  Barnett stresses everyone must reduce their water usage to ensure we can live sustainably.

Evaluation of Rhetorical Situations

To begin answering some of my research questions I posed in my last post, I've found a few articles on the issues.  After reading them, I performed an analysis of the rhetorical situation, which can be found in this Google Doc.

Reading the articles about the CA drought was scary.  The last article I read explained how drought is a problem all of the US faces, and will become a more prominent issue in the future.  Water is precious, and we are consuming more than the earth can provide.

ronymichaud. "Drops of Water, Water, Nature, Liquid."

4/8/12 via Pixabay. Public Domain License.

REFLECTION

By reading the rhetorical analyses completed by Grace and Aaron, the main thing I realized was for a rhetorical analysis to be successful, the text has to have distinct opinions and employ different devices.  Because of this, I saw that sources in the format of interviews are probably going to be harder to analyze, because it will be more difficult to get a true sense of the speaker's rhetoric, if the flow of their words is broken up into small chunks.  It's also harder to find rhetorical strategies in a piece that is mainly informational, because there isn't an obvious argument being made.

I think the LA Times piece I found will be the best to work with.  It's clear and opinionated, and although it spends some sections describing the drought situation, the author's own voice is distinct.

Developing a Research Question

To begin my next research project, I'm exploring some new research questions to eventually conduct a rhetorical analysis.  Here are the questions I've formed on the topics I found most interesting:


How has Pope Francis's speech individual Congresspeople's views on climate change?

Pope Francis recently visited the US, and was the gave the first papal address Congress has ever received.  In his speech, he made some stirring remarks about global warming, insisting that the US needs to prioritize combating climate change.  He noted his support for Obama's new policies to cut carbon emissions.

This debate is really interesting, because it's a combination of science, politics, and religion.  Pope Francis's speech has been an encouragement for Democrats, and has given some trouble to some Republican representatives who refuse to recognize the threat of climate change.  Many Republicans representatives use their religious morals to justify their stance on abortion, but here their allegiance might be split.  The Pope's speech has the power to enact some serious legislation, that in turn might have some significant environmental impacts.

Bruno, Jeffery. "Canonization 2014." 4/27/14 via Wikimedia Commons.
Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic License.

Is drilling for water the best/most realistic way to cope with California's massive drought?

Farmers in California have resorted to drilling for water, because their reservoirs are decreasing too rapidly.  They need to get water from somewhere for their crops.  And although drilling for water is expensive, and environmentally unsustainable, it might be the most realistic solution.

In a perfect world, we could do something to decrease the amount of water we consume, which would allow nature to naturally replenish our aquifers at the same rate we extracted it, avoiding the problem of water scarcity.  However, the reality is farmers need water right now, so they'll do whatever it takes to get it.

This doesn't just impact the farmers.  The food that they provide affects the whole public.  If farmers can't produce at the rates they need to, the drought could easily turn into a food crisis.  And it's also very relevant to us personally in Tucson, since we don't have a lot of water supply, and what we do have is decreasing.  The issues California is facing now Tucson will surely face in the near future.


Are the benefits of recycling e-waste greater than the hazards?

China imports the most e-waste, which then is sorted and dismantled to recycle different materials within the discarded electronic products.  While recycling always sounds like it's something environmentally friendly, the people who are sorting and separating the e-waste are exposed to dangerous chemicals without proper protection, and toxins leech into the soils and rivers that destroy the environment and pose further health risks.

I'm really interested in China-US relations regarding waste management and waste trade.  I'm hoping to become fluent in Chinese so I can work with both governments to find ways to protect places like Guiyu, China, which is considered the "e-waste capital of the world."  This issue also has a lot of justice aspects, because those who are affected most by the hazards are people in rural China who are handling all the e-waste, not the people who are generating all of the e-waste.

Reflection on Project 1

I had never before written a Quick Reference Guide, or any kind of similar writing for an English class, so this was a very new experience.  Here, I will discuss my process and general reflections on the project.

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Attribution 3.0 License.

The biggest challenge was that initially I didn’t grasp the narrative style of writing.  I thought I did, but really I was just writing something similar to a Wikipedia article.  Once I spoke to my instructor however, I understood the main problem was I needed to root my controversy in an event.  I was just broadly describing the history of ivory trade. 

Once I decided focus on the event of China tightening its regulations, I could then progress to talk about the new US restrictions, and then the backlash from the NRA.  I talked about the terrorist aspect in relation to why this controversy matters to the general public, which also helped better structure my QRG.

I liked doing all the research for this project.  Sometimes it was really overwhelming, but once I got my ideas organized, I enjoyed finding out more about an issue I should have been aware of but wasn’t.  I looked for my sources initially just by a Google search, but once I had read a few articles, I discovered more by exploring all the hyperlinks in the articles.  That really helped my find sources I wouldn’t have known to look for. 

Even though some days it was really exhausting trying to understand the issue of ivory trade (initially I wanted to cover too much, and did a ton of research because of that), I think my enthusiasm for the topic helped me stay on track and become very knowledgeable.

Building a logical argument was the most effective rhetorical strategy.  In doing so, this allows the readers to come to their own conclusions.  Personally, I’m a strong environmentalist and would like to see a ban on all ivory trade all together, but I had to evenly represent all sides of the argument.  Using inflammatory language with heavy moral connotations wasn’t effective, because that wouldn’t accurately represent an argument. 

I couldn’t say that the NRA are just a bunch of crazy gun lovers, and they’re so extremist I just disregard most everything they claim.  Instead, I had to keep my writing rooted it facts.  I had to logically prove that the NRA’s hunting claim was not credible, because it directly contradicted many significant research conclusions, and didn’t back up its claim with any evidence.  I also couldn’t just assume that the LRA was crazy and extremist, because then I wouldn’t sound credible.  I had to find evidence of actual terror they were bringing to the villages.

This project has been very different than other English projects I’ve done in the past.  The analysis and grammatical/syntax components were similar, but most everything else was not the same.  Most of my assignments have been essays, which are meant to exist in hard copy form.  Writing an article meant for the internet naturally has new aspects: hyperlinking, images, white space.  

Additionally, the writing style of this project was new.  Most of my writing in the past was professional and much further removed from the audience.  It was meant for my instructor to read, or another part of the academic community, not the general public.  The tone required was a change from how I normally write.

The technology side of this project was important.  Understanding how to read articles online and establish credibility is growing increasingly relevant, since the internet is relevant to my coursework and my personal life.  Getting familiar with doing online research will help me in the future; especially learning how to use a database and access scholarly reports.  The grammar foundation I’m beginning to construct will also be helpful in general, because writing is relevant in all fields, including science.


REFLECTION

I didn't relate much to Mathias's experience, because most of it seemed to be opposite of what I was going through.  He didn't have enough resources to look at, while I was paging through way too many.  He also had done something similar before in terms of blogging/QRG conventions for a class he took.  I did find that like him, it was helpful to have a textbook to guide me.  I understood Austin's struggle with the lack of peer review he received, although I think he had a tougher time than I did.  Austin mentioned that writing in general is a challenge.  Although I don't feel that way about writing overall, this assignment was definitely challenging.

Project 1 Publication

I'm so proud to say my Quick Reference Guide on ivory trade is finally finished!  You can view the final draft here.

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Attribution 2.5 Generic License.

Clarity, Part 2

Continuing the revising process (I'm almost done, though!), I looked through Rules for Writers for a few more topics to refine the syntax and grammar of my writing.  These topics include Active Verbs, Mixed Constructions, Emphasis, and Parallel Ideas.

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Passive and active tone are not new concepts for me, and generally I can recognize when I'm writing in passive tone.  Their explanation of when to use passive tone was useful, because having a concrete description helps me understand grammar concepts better.  Additionally, learning how to find more specific verbs helped, because that also relates to tightening wordy sentences.  I know there are definitely places in my QRG I can cut out words like "was" and change a noun into a verb.

I also have learned previously to express parallel series in the same grammatical format, but this is a good reminder for me.  I often write with parallel structure, listing multiple examples, and sometimes I forget to retain the same format.  The idea of "balancing ideas presented in pairs" was something I was less familiar with.  Parallel structure in pairs linked with conjunctions sometimes are not as easy for me to recognize, so I don't realize I should be using consistent grammatical structure throughout the sentence.

I don't think I consciously realized that how often I use the constructions "is where" or "is when."  When I think about it, I know those phrases sound weak, but when I'm writing, sometimes they come naturally.  Forcing myself to look through my writing and find these mixed constructions will make my writing less awkward.

I really liked the Emphasis section, because subordinating clauses can be kind of like a formula.  It's easy for me to understand a sentence structure when I can look for specific words in the sentence, and I know where to place them.  I know that writing can't all be formulaic, because then it would become boring, but in some cases having that guidance is really helpful.  I also learned about excessive coordination, and how it's more effective to emphasize only one idea in a sentence, not multiple ones.  Adding a subordinate clause can give the sentence more structure and a clear point.

Identifying Basic Grammar Patterns

Part of the revision process is reworking the syntax to make sure everything is grammatically correct, and that the writing contains various sentence structures.  Here, I've analyzed a bit of my QRG, identifying the different parts of speech, phrases, and sentences.

Through analyzing this chunk of text, I cemented my knowledge of what a direct object, indirect object, and transitive verb were.  I had heard of those things before, and knew basically what they were, but it was good to read a definition and see examples.

I also found it helpful to identify different phrases or types of words by looking for words that preceded the phrase.  For example, it was much easier to spot subordinate clauses by looking for words such as that, which, or when, like Rules for Writers suggested.

The types of sentence patterns that Rules for Writers had were different from the ones I had learned before.  The sentence patterns I had previous learned revolved more around using specific punctuation to separate different clauses.  The patterns in this book were based only on the types of words/phrases used.

I'd like to spend more time understanding verbal phrases, such as participial phrases and infinitive phrases, because I've never really heard of them before.  And as I mentioned previously, I'm not good with infinitives or infinitive phrases, so I'd like to get better at recognizing and correctly using them.

As a note, I analyzed two paragraphs, because due to the nature of a QRG, paragraphs are short to allow for white space.  Because of this, no paragraph on its own was long enough for this assignment.

AnonMoos. "Basic constituent structure analysis English sentence."
9/14/14 via Wikimedia Commons. Public Domain License.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1M9zNMaNeerPndoP3Nr0uzz8wT2NIjjitAJj9S4IAOFQ/edit?usp=sharing

Paragraph Analysis

Amada44. "Speech Bubble." 2/20/08 via Wikimedia Commons.
Public Domain License.

I went through my own QRG and analyzed each paragraph, commenting on its main idea, organization, and transitions.  In doing this, I realized that while some paragraphs are structured really well, others lead away from the main idea/subheading.  In some paragraphs, there is no clear main idea, which is something I obviously really need to fix.

Some paragraphs I also have really good transitions, whereas other paragraphs I don't have any transition at all.  In general, an overall strength is that my paragraphs are organized logically.

One way to fix my problem of not having a clear main idea, and then therefore not sticking with a main idea, is changing my subheadings.  Some of my subheadings are too restrictive, and the section goes beyond just what the subheading states.

My paragraphs just vary a lot in strengths and weaknesses.  This is because some sections I had planned out much clearer than others, and therefore naturally already followed the paragraph guidelines in Rules for Writers.  The good news is that I have a good example of every aspect (a main idea established, a paragraph that develops the main idea, well organized paragraphs, ideas linked in a coherent manner, and smooth transitions) somewhere in my paper.  I can then take these examples and fix the weaknesses I found.

Reflection on Project 1 Draft

I reviewed the QRGs written by Gabee Mazza and Stef Antonopoulos.  Gabee covered the recent Planned Parenthood videos controversy, and Stef covered the ongoing struggle to provide children with healthy school lunches.  I'm now spending time reflecting on my own draft, and the revisions I have to make.  Here, I explore some tips for global revisions.  I've realized mainly I need to reduce the length of my QRG.

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2014 via Pixabay. Public Domain License.

My audience is my peers and my instructor specifically, although this QRG should be readable for all the general public.  I want to reach everyday/common people to inform them on how ivory trade is threatening elephants with extinction.

This general audience has varying values and beliefs, but I'm assuming most of the general public doesn't want elephants to go extinct.  However, how much each person is willing to do about this issue varies greatly.  By explaining the viewpoints of all the key groups involved, I hope to include and represent all these beliefs, and explain the motivation behind them.  Conservationists and pro-trade readers should both draw knowledge from this article.

Reading this QRG, the audience is expecting to get a fundamental understanding of the political, social, economic, cultural, and environmental factors of ivory trade.  This QRG should explain the basic details of ivory trade, and the status of African elephant populations, as well as relate the issue back to the general audience.  I'm accomplishing this, but I am writing too much.  The readers will expect a quick and easy read, and my article is too lengthy.  I need to cut out information that is common knowledge, or goes too much into detail.

This is a very complex issue, and I don't want to oversimplify things.  Everything is interrelated, so all aspects of the trade are important in understanding the big picture.  Most people know what an African elephant is, and that it has ivory tusks, so I don't need to explain that.  And most people know that elephant poaching is an issue.  However, most people don't know how big of an issue poaching is, and how close elephants are to extinction.  When I first started this project, I definitely didn't know that they could be extinct in as little as 10 years.

I don't think a lot of people know about the terrorism aspect of ivory trade, which is a huge part of the problem.  If terror wasn't driving trade, governments would have less at stake.  If people weren't being brutally tortured, killed, and kidnapped by groups like the LPA, there wouldn't be such a high priority to crack down on illegal trade.

It's kind of confusing, because I think most people know what National Geographic is, but they are a key group in my controversy, so I have to explain their values/stakes/fears etc.  Also, I think I'm being too technical with the legality of the ivory trade bans, and should simplify the details.

General language and a casual tone is appropriate for this audience.  Nothing too technical or difficult, but still including necessary details and interesting sentence variety.  Throughout the whole QRG my tone is kind of too professional; I sound like I'm writing a newspaper article.  I need to work on making it sound more casual.

I have met the formatting requirements.  I have lots of white space, hyperlinks, illuminating images, and bold subheadings.  I have met the content requirements and probably gone beyond them, since my QRG is so long.  I explore all the major groups involved, and their opinions.  My writing has its own distinct voice, and I have proofread to catch grammar errors.

The biggest issue is the length.  I will work to cut out unnecessary details, while still retaining the informative global understanding of the controversy.  Some of it can be shortened by cutting wordy sentences.

Clarity, Part 1

Part of the revision process is just working on the syntax of the text.  Improving word use and sentence structure can hugely increase the writer's ability to effectively convey the message of the content.  Consulting Rules for Writers, I looked over the topics Needed Words, Misplaced and Dangling Modifiers, Wordy Sentences, and Exact Words.

Ossanna, Lia. "Screenshot of modifier definition." 9/15/15 via
https://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#hl=en&q=modifier

Often I leave out needed works because their presence is implied, and in their absence, the sentence still makes sense.  Because I do not speak with perfect grammar on a daily basis, when I leave out needed words it doesn't necessarily sound strange to me.  However, once I see the correction, I understand the subtle change the presence of that word made.

I have the most trouble with modifiers.  I never had a strong background in grammar, so for a long time I didn't know what a modifier even was, much less where it should be placed or when one was needed.  I realize that often I place clauses between the subject and verb, which disrupts the flow of the sentence.  I found I also struggle with splitting infinitives, and often place a modifier between "to" and a verb.  This sounds natural to me, probably because I've been doing it my entire life.

When I write my first draft, my sentences are unnecessarily long.  Some of those sentences I can spot when I begin to revise, but some sentences slip past me.  The advice on how to simplify sentence structure and reduce phrases to single words will be most useful.  Often when I think I am varying my sentence structure to keep the writing interesting, really I am just being too complicated and wordy.

I need to work on precision of language.  I gravitate towards abstract nouns because they are common buzzwords and phrases, like the example "the environment and world peace."  The list of standard idioms is also very useful.  I use some of the unidiomatic phrases without realizing it, such as using "preferable than" rather than "preferable to."


REFLECTION
It's definitely easier to spot wordy sentences in someone else's writing than it is for me to spot them in my own.  This is because those words come from my head, so they sound much more natural to me.  But wordy sentences are quite awkward and changing them around is an important part of the revision process.

Sentences missing needed words are also much easier for me to find in another's work than my own.  Similar to wordy sentences, these phrases sound normal to me, but are sometimes confusing for the reader.  And while I could mostly figure out what the sentence meant, the writing would still have a much more polished feel with all needed words added.

Exact words are more important than I thought.  There were some places in Gabee's QRG where the general phrases used were too vague for me to understand the full context of what she was discussing.  Although it takes longer, and usually more words to write with precision, it makes the difference between mediocre writing and good writing.  Precision allows the writer to expand further on his/her ideas and really get to the root of the topic.

I struggled with modifiers.  Really, I don't think they were on my mind while I was peer editing these articles, so I didn't spot any.  Part of this is probably because I'm still very unfamiliar with misused modifiers, and part of this might be because these writers have a better grasp on the concept and weren't making those mistakes.

Here is an example of a wordy sentence from Stef's article: "Parents also have been involved in this debate due to them being the providers and dictators of what goes into their children’s mouths."

I suggested that she change the phrase "due to them being the providers and dictators of what..." to "since they provide and dictate what..." This way, the language is more concise, and the sentence is no longer in passive tone.

Thoughts on Drafting

By now, I've completed the initial drafting process writing my QRG.  To help me compose a first draft, I consulted A Student's Guide to First-Year Writing.  Some of their advice was helpful, while other parts were not so relevant.  Here, I will discuss what I found useful from Student's Guide.

Stowe, Rennett. "Tapping a Pencil." 10/30/08 via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic License.

The section begins with exploring thesis statements.  Although we didn't talk much about thesis statements in class, I thought this section was actually pretty helpful, because QRGs contain some personal opinions about the topic as well as information.  It's important for a writer to understand his/her own stance before writing, because that will ensure the text has direction and an objective.  Starting out by thinking about a thesis statement is a good way to ease into the drafting process.  However, for a QRG the thesis isn't stated in the same blatant way it is in an essay, so the exercise in developing sophisticated thesis statements wasn't as useful.

The Student's Guide Point, Illustration, Explanation (PIE) setup for paragraphs was less relevant to a QRG style.  QRGs are set up with more of a narrative style, and always starting with an opening point usually feels unnatural.  It is important to include all of the PIE elements when using a direct quote in a QRG, although the format is somewhat different, because the speaker's credentials must be established.  Their section on the Explanation part was also helpful in explaining how to tie a quote to the thesis, and the examples given really cemented the idea.

The most relevant part of their drafting guidance was probably the Introduction section.  An introduction for a QRG must contain a decent hook and "forecast the direction" of the article, and their descriptions were helpful ideas of how to accomplish this.  Their advice to "avoid certain traps" was also highly relevant, because introducing too much information or evidence right away can be confusing and too lengthy for a QRG as well.  That information should be saved for later, once the reader understands where the article is headed.

The only thing was that a thesis isn't really necessary in the introduction for a QRG, but instead is developed as the writer explains the issues and his/her opinions.  Readers won't understand the thesis right away, because they aren't familiar with the topic, whereas for essays readers generally already have a background.

The section on organization was also pretty useful.  An argument in a QRG must flow with logic, too.  I started out by writing out my subheading questions to see how well one led to the other, and ended up having to change the order around.  This was a technique that Student's Guide suggested, by "cutting up the [writing] and rearranging the pieces."

Transitions are also just as important in QRGs as they are in essays.  I used the pointing term "this" a few times throughout my article to break up what would be very long sentences.

Student's Guide strategy for "Answer the Question 'So What?'" and "Looking Forward" were the most helpful parts of their conclusion section.  In a QRG, the conclusion doesn't really have to be a summary of the article, because the reader should have followed the logical explanation of the topic and therefore not need a recap at the end.  Instead, explaining the relevance of the situation is much more effective.  And although Student's Guide didn't really mention it, successful QRGs evoke sympathy to stay memorable.


REFLECTION
I think I found more useful things in the Student's Guide reading than Olivia, since I found almost every section helpful in some way, and I'm not sure she found a lot of it to be very relevant.  From reading Hunter's post, I realized that conclusions are really important, because I found I actually disagreed with what he said.  Having an over all conclusion at the end of a QRG is really where the author shows how his/her topic is relevant to the general public.  Hunter mentioned there were conclusions within each paragraph, but I would argue those are more of transitions.

Some things I could improve for my own draft:

1. Making sure my introduction doesn't include any vast generalizations
2. Strengthening the "explain" part of my paragraphs to make sure the speaker's values and fears are outlined clearly
3. Reworking my conclusion to "paint a picture" and make it memorable.

Draft of Quick Reference Guide

All of my recent posts focused on ivory trade have been leading up to writing a Quick Reference Guide.  Here is my first draft.  It still needs a lot of help, and I'm looking for a lot of pointers.

My QRG is so long!  I know, I know, it's overwhelming for me, too.  But the problem is, ivory trade is such a complex issue.  There are environmental, cultural, political, and economic aspects.  Ivory trade operates on at least three different continents.  It's been an ongoing issue for over two centuries.  Given this, I have a few requests for comments:

• Can some of the text be cut down because some of the background information is already common knowledge?
• Is there any section that doesn't feel relevant, and can be cut out?
• Are there any sections that are just way too long and need to be reduced?
• Is the white space ratio good?  Is the format readable?
• Are some parts too technical and should be simplified?
• Does the logic of the questions/subheadings make sense?  Does the QRG flow easily?
• Is credibility for the main groups involved explained thoroughly enough?
• Are the values/fears evident for the major groups?
• Does the conclusion generate enough sympathy?

Ossanna, Lia. "Screenshot of My QRG Opening."
9/11/15 via 
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12RrGR0G0txB
_LnbYJ6mfNJF5Tq10vtb6Cfzt18F-7_o/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks so much for all your help!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12RrGR0G0txB_LnbYJ6mfNJF5Tq10vtb6Cfzt18F-7_o/edit?usp=sharing

Practicing Quoting

In this post, I practice quoting sources in a way that provides my reader with information and context to make the quote meaningful.  Here, I have two different quotes with opposing viewpoints in regards to hunting elephants for ivory.  Below the images of my highlighted quotes is my complete paragraph.

Key:
The yellow highlighted sections indicate signal phrases, leading into direct quotes.
The green highlighted sections indicate where I have established the authority of the speaker.
The blue highlighted sections indicate where I have altered the quote slightly to clarify something, or to truncate the quote.
The purple highlighted sections indicate context, where I have explained the quote and its relevance.

Most sources I found discussed the negative impacts of elephant poaching; multiple articles argued that current hunting rates were unsustainable, and elephants were in danger of going extinct.  Susan Lieberman, Vice President for  International Policy at the Wildlife Conservation Society, in Huffington Post declared a call to action: “We must all not be afraid to address greed and corruption, which are the underlying drivers of this crisis . . . Governments must go after the kingpins and organized crime networks that are profiting the most and driving the illegal trade.”  The controversy of ivory trade goes beyond just a conservation issue, since the funds from illegal ivory sales are supporting many organized crime and terrorist groups.  The high demand for ivory makes it possible for these groups to make substantial funds, which makes them an increasingly critical threat. 

However, the National Rifle Association, in favor of legal ivory trade, states almost the exact opposite argument.  The NRA Institute for Legislative Action, the sector in charge of lobbying for supportive legislature, claims, “Hunting [ivory] has, in fact, been hailed as a valuable tool of wildlife conservation in Africa because it contributes hundreds of thousands of dollars to the economic well-being of local communities.”  The NRA supports ivory trade because many weapons contain ivory.  Banishing ivory trade would in effect banish the trade of some weapons, which the NRA sees as a violation of rights.  Although it’s important to understand the pro-trade viewpoint, it’s hard to understand how both the NRA’s claim and Lieberman’s claim can be true, since they are so conflicting.  Hunting in other context could potentially aid local African economies, but since ivory mostly runs through the black market, it’s doubtful hunting elephants provides economic relief.

QRG: the Genre

In this post I will be exploring Quick Reference Guides, a type of online article.  The purpose of QRGs is to inform the general public about an issue, while also including some personal opinions.  The issue in question should be relevant to a wide audience of people, current, and somewhat popular (already discussed in the news).  This can include topics like political controversies, the legitimacy of new health fads, or an event/performance.  The issue is explained (perhaps simplified, if necessary), and context is provided.

Manske, Mangus. "People on Grafton Street, Dublin, Ireland."
8/14/06 via Wikimedia Commons. Public Domain License.

Since QRGs exist online, their format must reflect that media.  QRGs share many of the same conventions as blogs and online newspaper articles.  It is up to the author to adhere to these conventions through different formatting.  The author must format a QRG in short paragraphs with white space in between.  This helps the reader manage a large amount of text without feeling overwhelmed.  Authors also give QRGs a short lead/introduction that lays out what the article will be about.

Other conventions of QRGs include containing many hyperlinks, which is another advantage of working with online media.  Hyperlinks provide additional information, and give credibility to the article.  Additionally, QRGs are broken up into sections, each with a subheading, which is usually phrased as a question.  Questions keep the reader engaged, while also allowing the reader to skip around to read the sections that are interesting to him/her.  Most of the conventions of a QRG exist to make it easier for the reader.  The author can influence the reader by opinions, questions, and organization, but the author must keep the reader engaged.

The intended audience for a QRG is the general public.  QRGs are not written with academic language, but instead with an informal tone and commonplace vocabulary.  They have a narrative feel to them.  Although the example QRGs about Bernie Sanders, e-cigerettes, Gamergate, Sochi's Opening Ceremony, and Greece's economy are all on very different topics, the audience is still mostly the same, making up the common, everyday population of American citizens.  Although some people might not be very interested in politics, or others don't smoke, these are still large enough issues they are relevant to the general public.

A person reading one of these QRGs could just as easily be interested in another.  They are on topics that many people invest time in, such as presidential campaigns, and the Olympics.  They are all written with the same casual tone that doesn't require rigorous academic engagement.  Although they include opinions, they are most informative and not inflammatory or provocative, which widens the audience.  QRGs are meant for such a large and general audience, because their purpose is to provide information and some analysis on a relevant issue, and they aim to educate as many people possible.

QRGs use graphics and visuals for a number of reasons.  The main purpose of an image is to highlight important information in a different way besides text.  This can be a graph, a picture, or even a quote in larger letters and a different font.  People are naturally drawn to images, and it helps them to process an idea presented: it makes the idea more concrete.  Often providing pictures of relevant people helps the reader form judgement about that person, without the author having to explicitly state them.  Images can often convey strong emotions, and the author doesn't have to tell the person how to feel, which is not an effective technique.

Social media clips, like a screenshot of a Twitter post, can provide more information quickly than if the author were to describe the tweet in words.  Graphics are also a nice break from large amounts of text.  It gives the article variety, and makes it look more appealing.


REFLECTION
In reading responses, everyone had a different way of explaining hyperlinking, which made me realize the importance of using hyperlinks in a QRG.  I realized before they were a good thing to include in an article, but by reading the different interpretations of why hyperlinking is important, with the aspect of citation, and the fact hyperlinking engages the reader.  I also liked how Jon described QRGs as "condensed" rather than "dumbed down" because I think that phrase captured the style of a QRG more effectively than mine did, and it's an important aspect that QRGs are still very informative, and not just rudimentary.  Also, I liked Chris's explanation of how images are supposed to "supplement" but not "overshadow" the issue.  Images are very important, and can convey key points in a different media, but ultimately they should be supporting the main argument/idea.

Replies:
Jon
Chris
Stef

Cluster of My Controversy: Ivory Trade

I've made a cluster of all the ideas that I've been writing about in regards to ivory trade from these last few posts.  This is a visual summary of what I've learned.

The right side in blue contains things to do with live elephants, poaching, and conservation efforts.  On the left side are things that relate to trade of the ivory itself (the elephant in question is already dead).  This includes legal trade and illegal trade, as well as ethics, and pro-trade arguments (all of the anti-trade arguments belong to conservation groups, or relate to government ivory destructions and regulations).

The key groups and speakers in those groups are in bold, all caps, and the branches are red.  Their respective ideologies and statements are connected.



Here is also the link for the Coggle cluster for easier viewing:
https://coggle.it/diagram/Ve8ccqRyxLU_AKoJ/8795b799cabdc06997f48675abc2cf3bce6e1319f3e946cfb149cb0c3219565c


REFLECTION
After viewing how organized and easy to read Grace's cluster was, I actually went back and edited my own cluster, as to make it easier to find the information the assignment asked for.  I recolored the branches of key groups red, so they would stand out.  Olivia's cluster was much smaller than mine, with much less text.  I know that my cluster is a bit daunting to the reader, since it's so big and spread out.  But my controversy is very complex, since it's a global issue, and a political, economic, and environmental concern.  For me, it was important to have all this information mapped out, because then I can see the connections all in one place.  I think the purpose of a cluster/mind map is to help the author more than the reader, so I like my system.

Annotated Bibliography in CSE Style

Fixed and Frailing. "Citation 2." 12/3/14 via Flickr.
Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic License.

For most sciences, including environmental science, CSE format is used.  Based on Lafayette's guide on how to cite journal articles and websites, I complied an annotated bibliography on the six sources I've recently analyzed.  The example of a reference sheet in CSE citation-sequence format can be found here.

References

AFW. #Thailand – one of the largest #ivory markets – is taking a stance on #elephant poaching: bit.ly/thailand-ivory [Internet]. Nairobi (Kenya): Twitter; 2015 [cited 2015 September 5]. Available from: https://twitter.com/AWF_Official/status/638369769234677760. 

AFW’s tweet promoted the official website’s article about a recent ivory destruction operation in Thailand.  Asia has an enormous ivory market, so it’s very important for their government to “take a stance.”  By destroying the vast sum of two tons of ivory, the Thailand government is exerting a zero-tolerance mentality, which might encourage other Asian countries to do the same.  This article is important because it’s very recent, and shows another way to combat ivory trade that is more related to the political side, rather than the conservation side.  Having a balance of the two perspectives will help me understand and convey the complexity of the issue. 


CapRadio News. A bill that would tighten California’s ban on ivory sales was approved on Wednesday by the state Senate. bit.ly/1JDx47A [Internet]. Sacramento (CA): Twitter; 2015 [cited 2015 September 5]. Available from: https://twitter.com/CapRadioNews/status/639460395325878277. 

CapRadio New’s tweet promoted Capital Public Radio’s news article about the CA state Senate attempting to reduce elephant poaching by regulating ivory trade more heavily.  CA houses a large ivory market in the form of household goods and antiques, rather than the raw ivory markets of Africa.  The article explains that those who oppose the bill argue it won’t be effective in actually reducing the amount of elephants poached, but rather “could make criminals out of long-time ivory collectors.”  Although the article is very short, it provides a link to the official text of the bill directly from the CA Legislative Information website, which could be useful in understanding more about the bill.  Additionally, the understanding ivory trade within the US itself, and not just Africa and Asia is also important, because the market is global, and the products vary from refined piano keys legally owned to raw ivory tusks illegally shipped across an entire continent.  This article will help me understand the civil and legal side of ivory trade, which still raises debate, because conservation groups are against any use or possession of ivory, even if it is decorative or antique. 

Important “Ivory” Bill Introduced [Internet]. Washington (DC): NRA-ILA; 2015 [cited 2015 September 9]. Available from: https://www.nraila.org/articles/20150206/important-ivory-bill-introduced.

The National Rifle Association has an extreme stance against conservation efforts, making them one of the main opposition forces against an ivory trade ban.  The National Rifle Association Institute for Legislative Action is the political lobbying part of the organization.  In this article, they ask their members to show support for a bill that would prevent Obama’s proposed ban on US ivory trade.  Since the audience is already in favor of gun rights, they don’t need much convincing that their ivory guns need to be protected, and therefore the ban should be struck down.  This article is important because it is one of the few I have that describes an opposing view with passion.  It will help me understand the pro-trade stance better.

Joyce C. DNA Tracking of Ivory Helps Biologists Find Poaching Hotspots [Internet]. Washington (DC): National Public Radio; 2015 [cited 2015 September 8]. Available from: http://www.npr.org/2015/06/19/415596177/dna-tracking-of-ivory-helps-biologists-find-poaching-hotspots.

By extracting DNA from ivory tusks recovered from illegal poaching and trade, it is possible to find where the tusks came from.  It’s hard to track ivory moment within Africa; most seizures happen when the ivory is coming into Asia markets.  Although it’s hard find the origins of the ivory by trade, the source can be located by using biological techniques of studying the DNA, and matching it to areas in Africa with similar elephants.  With this technique, there have been three hotspots found where most of the ivory is coming from: Tridom (central Africa), Tanzania, and Mozambique.  The solution proposed in this article is to protect the elephants in these concentrated areas, to cut the source of ivory directly.  This article relates to the article about Thailand’s ivory destruction in that the Chinese government is taking official measures to crack down on ivory trade.  Having the connection of the two Asian governments resisting trade is important and helpful to show political opposition and progression.

Leblan V. The Impact of West African Trade on the Distribution of Chimpanzee and Elephant Populations (Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Senegal, 19th—20th Century). Human Ecology [Internet]. 2014 [cited 2015 September 5]; 44(3): 445-465. JSTOR. New York (NY): Springer. Available from: http://www.jstor.org.ezproxy1.library.arizona.edu/stable/24013737. 

Leblan compared how human interactions through trade affected the amount of chimpanzees and elephants in southern Africa, spanning from the late 1800s to the present.  He drew his data about the previous century from published journals and studies, as well as collecting his own field data.  Leblan found that elephant populations and sighting occurrences were well documented throughout the last century, because ivory is such a valuable commodity.  Warfare, as well as human settlement and trade, pushed elephants to move into the northern parts of Guinea-Bissau.  The impact humans had on elephants is similar to that of chimpanzees and other wild animals, which usually includes declining populations of animals as the number of humans rise, and displacing the animals, forcing them to acquire new habitat.  This source is important, because understanding the history of ivory trade, and human interaction with elephants, gives me context to the ongoing controversy today. 

Lieberman S. Scaling Up the War on Elephant Poaching [Internet]. New York (NY): Huffington Post; 2015 [cited 2015 September 8]. Available from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-lieberman-phd/scaling-up-the-war-on-elephant-poaching_b_6948764.html.

In March 2015 an international meeting was held in Botswana concerning ivory trade.  However, the outcome of this meeting was disappointing to Wildlife Conservation Society and similar organizations.  They were not able to effectively push for a ban on all ivory trade, or encourage governments to take a stricter position in fighting the large-scale organized crime that’s committing most of the poaching and trade crimes.  In what I saw as similar to the drug trade issue, this article argued governments need to be targeting kinpins, not the scattered poachers that don’t have much authority themselves.  Also similar to drug trade, ivory trade is rotting with corruption, which allows much of the illegal network to thrive.  This article called for a serious increase in efforts to decrease demand and supply of ivory.  The report on the Botswana meeting is helpful to me, because it shows the progress (or lack of) that has recently been taking place, as well as supporting many of the claims other articles were making, such as the declining elephant population, and the driving force of organized crime.

Mathiesen K. Elephant poaching crisis unchanged a year after global pledge [Internet]. New York (NY): The Guardian; 2015 [cited 2015 September 5]. Available from: http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/mar/23/elephant-poaching-crisis-unchanged-a-year-after-global-pledge. 

This article explains that since the 2014 CITES ban on ivory trade, in which 46 agreed to “control ivory trade” the amount of elephants poached has not decreased significantly.  The article gives statistics on the amount of elephants killed over the last decade, noting that the numbers of the last five years are unsustainable.  Like the journal article about elephant sustainability, this article also raises the concern that elephants will become extinct in the year future if current trends continue.  Mathiesen argues that although ivory trade is recognized as a serious global concern, and although progress has been made and that “Africa-wide numbers disguise regional successes and failures,” change is not happening quick enough.  He argues that since elephants could become extinct within the next few decades, there is significant pressure on current organizations and the current generation to do something about the issue that will make a substantial impact.  This article is important because it tracks the effects of the CITES ban, and will help answer the question of if current laws are effective. 

Onion R. Should We Destroy Our Ivory Art Out of Guilt? Prince William Seems to Think So [Internet]. New York (NY): Slate; 2014 [cited 2015 September 8]. Available from: http://www.slate.com/blogs/wild_things/2014/02/19/prince_william_duke_of_cambridge_s_comments_on_destroying_royal_ivory.html.

This article mainly brings up the question of the ethics of ivory relics.  Prince William had many “surrendered ivory keepsakes” (all owned by the royal family for centuries) destroyed to show support of conservation efforts.  However, these ivory pieces were much more valuable (both in monetary and cultural value) than the raw ivory that many governments have destroyed, including the US and China.  These pieces were relics, created before elephant populations were seriously threatened as they are today.  This article is important because it raises the debate of if having old and legal ivory is still morally wrong, and should therefore be surrendered or confiscated.  Some believe that destroying ivory relics will do nothing to impact elephant poaching today.  Others argue that it’s about the mentality, and learning from history.  Either way, this debate is an important part of the civil and legal aspect of ivory trade and goods.

Ramzy A. Conservationists Continue Push to Block Hong Kong Ivory Sales [Internet]. New York (NY): New York Times; 2014 [cited 2015 September 8]. Available from: http://sinosphere.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/29/conservationists-continue-push-to-block-hong-kong-ivory-sales/.

Many sources explain how Asia houses the world’s largest ivory market, with China as a driving force.  This is in part due to the traditional use of ivory for many decorative goods, including stamps and intricate carvings.  However, conservationist groups are rising up in protest, holding rallies with a festival-like feel, including drum performances, in front of ivory stores.  China’s famous basketball player Yao Ming has endorsed the ban on ivory trade, which has added momentum to the movement.  The 1989 CITES global ban on ivory trade only prohibits ivory collected after 1989 to be traded.  Many shops are using this loophole to trade ivory that has been collected since, under the guise that it is older than 1989 and therefore legal.  Hong Kong has held some ivory destruction demonstrations, but according to the article, could be doing more to enforce the ban.  This article is important because the loophole in the CITES ban is used in the United States as well, connecting the issue across the globe.  The article will help me understand the aspects of US ivory trade, too.

Russo C. Can Elephants Survive a Legal Ivory Trade? Debate Is Shifting Against It [Internet]. Washington (DC): National Geographic; 2014 [cited 2015 September 5]. Available from: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2014/08/140829-elephants-trophy-hunting-poaching-ivory-ban-cities/. 

Russo explores multiple aspects of ivory trade, including international trade laws, trade laws in the US, and the economics of ivory trade.  She explains the perspective of both those who are pro-trade, and those who are against.  The opinion of the person she interviewed who stood out the most was that of Daniel Stiles, who looked at the situation of ivory trade from an economic perspective.  He argued that a flat-out ban would increase the demand for ivory, since its availability would be cut.  Stiles proposed a tightly regulated legal trade of raw ivory in China, with the ivory taken only from “problem elephants.”  Another important part of the article was pointing out the complexity of the issue, and how each organization involved is responsible for difference aspects.  Russo argued that conservation groups should stick to reducing the amount of poaching, and not worry about the corruption occurring in ivory trade.  Corruption is common, and makes illegal trade easier, and hard to track.  However, corruption, Russo says, is a problem for CITES to worry about, not conservation groups.  It’s hard to separate one the economics of trade from the poaching itself, because it all seems linked.  However, conservation experts are generally not trade experts, and might not understand the full economics of the market and bans.  This article is helpful because of the different viewpoints I mentioned (the pro-trade stance, and the specialization argument), and also because it gives good background information on the ivory trade issue. 


Seiler S, Page B, Vanak A, Slotow R. Sustainability of Elephant Hunting Across International Borders in Southern Africa: A Case Study of the Greater Mapungubwe Transfrontier Conservation Area. The Journal of Wildlife Management [Internet]. 2014 [cited 2015 September 5]; 78(1): 122-132. JSTOR. Hoboken (NJ): Wiley. Available from: http://www.jstor.org.ezproxy1.library.arizona.edu/stable/43188433. 

This article discusses how elephant hunting rates exceed natural birth rates, which means the overall elephant population is on the decline.  Given how many elephants are poached annually in the recent years, elephants are in danger of going extinct; and because there is no easy way to increase the amount of natural elephant births in the wild, the change is going to have to come from the hunting side.  Data was collected from field research, which consisted of aerial surveys to acquire data on elephant populations.  The research team calculated birth rates by surveying the amount of elephants that had reached mating age over a ten year period.  The amount of bulls hunted not only affects elephant population by the removal of those bulls, but it also affects birth rates, since many bulls killed are at mating age (15-35 years old).  The study was conducted in the Mapungubwe area, which is in southern Africa.  This article is a very valuable source, because it gives scientific evidence to support the claim elephant populations are declining due to poaching, which has been made by other sources, including the National Geographic article I reviewed, and the Guardian article.


REFLECTION

I noticed the main difference between the bibliographies I read and the one I wrote was the length of the annotations.  My annotations were generally a few sentences longer than Alex’s and Bailey’s.  I know that my annotated bibliography took me a substantial time to write – probably too long.  I could be putting to many details into my annotations than necessary.  However, I think that will the details I’ve included, it will be easier for me to remember what the different sources were saying.  Hopefully I can save time later by not having to go back and reread articles, since I took thorough notes on them already.